Wednesday, February 28, 2007
With No Due Respect Whatsoever


I read three articles today in which people were quoted as saying, "with all due respect."

Does that phrase even have a meaning anymore? Because you KNOW that when someone says, "with all due respect" what they really mean is, "For some reason - which God will not permit me to understand - I must defer to your undeserved authority, despite the fact that I could do your job one better with my hands tied behind my back, blinded in one eye, and hobbling around on a wooden leg." Wow. Hands tied. One blind eye. Peg-leg. Sound kinda like a pirate, doesn't it? Throw a parrot on his shoulder and you're set.

So I guess what "all due respect" really REALLY means is even Captain Hook is better at life than you. And he was eaten by a crocodile. And wore bloomers. And a feather in his cap which he called "macaroni."

Okay, I think I've mixed too many references...
posted by Rachel @ 10:47 AM  
Lobo On The Prowl
I was on my way back from the gym yesterday evening when I noticed a large, hairy, black animal plodding along the road's center island. Its head turned and I suddenly saw two VERY yellow eyes. It was a wolf. Or a coyote. Or something. But it was creepy and I was suddenly very glad to be in a very large bus.

Why are there wolves wandering in the midst of Beijing? If a black cat is bad luck, I can't imagine what a black wolf leads to...
Not that I'm superstitious or anything.
posted by Rachel @ 10:43 AM  
Friday, February 23, 2007
Not-So-Happy Chinese New Year
I hate to be the one to burst everyone's bubble, but celebrating the Chinese New Year in China is not all it's cracked up to be. There was one night of fun. Sunday night - the evening of the first day of the Year of the Pig - was fabulous. Beautiful fireworks displays, banquet dinners, parades and parties out on the streets - it was like the fourth of July in America. And I could appreciate the beautiful celebration of Chinese culture.

But it's been six days since then. And the fireworks and firecrackers and explosions haven't stopped yet. I feel like I'm living in a warzone. The explosions start at seven A.M. and don't end until one in the morning. Perhaps this holiday is more comparable to the fourth of July than I originally thought. Not the Independence Day holiday. I mean the ACTUAL fourth of July. In 1776. In the midst of war. With rifle and cannon fire, loud booms, piercing cracks, and bright flashes at all hours of the day and night.

The New Year was Sunday.

It is now Friday.

It is time to stop.

And though I'm sure my Chinese readership is few at best, I'm making a public plea to make it all end. Make the noise and the blinding light go away. I don't like being sleep-deprived and people don't like me when I'm sleep-deprived either. So really, it's in everyone's best interests. Isn't five days enough already? Just think about it. Thank you.
posted by Rachel @ 11:29 AM  
The Game Is Afoot
Or so Sean Connery would have you think.

The Challenge:
Four languages. Four months.
Can it be done?


The background: Some of you may already know that the Rachel Summer European Tour '07 kicks off this July. I will be visiting a number of countries, but will spend the majority of my time in Germany, Italy, Spain, and France. The challenge? To learn as much colloquial German, Italian, Spanish, and French as physically possible in four months time.
They say it can't be done. But to them I say, Nay!

As of now, I can speak about two sentences of badly pronounced French and have started brushing up on my five year-old high school Spanish. Given four months, I hope my language skills will improve some (but worry not, the majority of my focus is still on learning Chinese - I mean, it would be nice to get into graduate school...). It will be mostly self-taught, though I do have friends here in China that are French and Spanish, so that will be of great help. As regards German and Italian, I think I'm on my own. But we shall see if that can't be changed over the coming months.

Let the games begin!
posted by Rachel @ 11:11 AM  
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Manners? We Don't Need No Stinking Manners!
And we don't need no badges, neither!

My friend Jon put a link to an article on his blog and I found myself nodding in agreement as I read it. Just like the story's protagonist, I too find myself turning into a cute female version of The Hulk and muttering angrily at the latest Chinese person who has "done me wrong" (by which I mean, done something that pisses me off in even the slightest). That is something I never did when I first got here. The only difference: it took the article writer 3 years to become so cynical and angry. It only took me six months.

The problem is the culture gap. We get it. But it's still massively annoying. Read the article, and you'll understand my entire life in China. Just one of several reasons why applying to grad school in the States for next year is such an easy choice...

Oh, and just as a note: I have never actually participated in an event similar to the one in the article below, though I wish with all my heart and soul that I had. Also a disclaimer: I do not condone - at least not publicly - the following actions and give full credit, er, I mean responsibility and shame for the (awesome) lesson in manners dished out in this story to BJ. Enjoy!

http://www.chinarant.com/china_rant/2005/08/queue_jumpers.html
posted by Rachel @ 2:03 PM  
Roll The Dice And Drink To Your Death
Or so this special Chinese dice game should be called. This past weekend, I made plans to meet up with Dave (a fellow forum moderator) at a Belgian bar called Beer Mania (yes, a bit cheesy, but with really good stuff!). When I came in, he had not yet arrived, but two people waved me over. It turns out Tine and Jamie were friends of Dave's who had also been invited along and they were well into some sort of drinking game. They asked me if I had ever played "dice" before. I had not.

They explained the rules of the game:
Each person has five dice inside a cup. You shake up the dice and don't allow any other player to see them. 1's are considered "wild" and can stand for any number. The point of the game is to make a wager (using what dice you know you have) as to how many of any number are face up on the table. So if I say, "there are seven 3's," and another player sees he has no 3's (or 1's which could represent 3's), he may call my bluff. Then everyone lifts their cups and we count the 3's. If there are seven or more 3's showing, he loses that round; if there are less than seven, I would lose. The person who was wrong has to drink. If no one calls my bluff, the next person repeats the same, but has to go in the upward direction. If I said "seven 3's," the next person has to wager at least eight of something. It goes on until someone calls someone else's bluff and is either proved right or wrong.

And it turns out my qi is very good. I must have done many good things in my life because people who lose have to buy, and I was the richest one left (and the least drunk)! Kids, do try this at home! (with caution of course).

And YES Sean, as you can plainly see, you ARE my best bad influence, so feel proud in this moment! (And just so you know I intentionally did not say 'worst' influence because that's just not how we do things. All about the positivity...it's creative license, not incorrect grammar - so there.)
posted by Rachel @ 10:58 AM  
There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe
By "old woman," I mean me. And by "lived in a shoe," I mean beat Imelda Marcos back into the grave with the sharp heel of my beautiful Barney's stiletto boots. Anyone who knows me knows I like shoes. An understatement, I know - and I can feel my mother rolling her eyes...

But this past weekend I found a new shoe experience first - tailor made!

Many people come to China to have clothing made, but shoes? I read about it on a China web forum and decided to give it a try (especially since my genes have forced upon me feet that are truly hard to fit). I contacted some people and they directed me toward David - a cobbler with a shop based in the Beijing Fuzhuang Xueyuan (Beijing Fashion Institute/University). I sent him an email with the picture of the shoes to use for inspiration - in this case, a pair of Alexander McQueen knee-high leather riding boots that normally run anywhere from $600-1000. He sent me back an email that afternoon saying he could make them with up to 95% accuracy (I guess you can't expect them to be an exact match). I thought, why not? Then he gave me the price quote and it turned from curiosity into awe. After haggling over the price quote, he said he could do it (using real leather and hand stitching, by the way) for about 900 RMB (just over $100)!

At that, I knew I HAD to give it a try. The experience alone would be worth it. And who knows, I could end up with some really amazing shoes, right? On Sunday, I went into his workshop for a fitting. In the workshop were several young women hammering away, carving floral designs into leather that looked absolutely beautiful and really professional. Only there for 2 minutes, and already I was impressed.

David brought out the pictures that I had emailed him and started taking foot measurements. He measured everything from calf length to arch height, ankle circumference to heel width. All in all, he measured my feet (both left and right) for almost a half hour. Then we discussed the color, heel height, materials, and design. The boots I had chosen had some areas with very specific, very complex details. I knew he understood shoes well by the way that (before I had even come in that day) he had already marked and made note of the areas with special stitching and lacing and the shoes' sectioning points, zippers, and buckles. I chose a color slightly different from the picture (a darker shade of brown) and a slightly shorter heel height to personalize the shoes for my purposes, thanked David, and went on my way. I will be certain to keep you all posted on the quality and how it all comes out.

This weekend begins the Chinese New Year/Spring Festival, so the shoes have a while before they'll be finished (since everyone gets a week or so off of work). However, there will be plenty of holiday festivities, so fear not - there will be more to come!
posted by Rachel @ 10:34 AM  
Monday, February 05, 2007
Every Breath You Take
I know, I know. Again with the Sting references. Well, you know what they say. If it ain't broke...

Getting on with it, I was walking along the street to the supermarket this past Saturday morning and stopped at an intersection, waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green (not that it matters whether or not you have the light, but I thought I'd have a better argument for the police report, should I end up as roadkill). Anyway, I was waiting and there was a motorcycle cop there, waving cars over to the turn lane. And the gears began to turn...

Thought #1: he's issuing speeding tickets or parking citations. But there's no way you can speed when slowing down near a red light in a traffic jam. Plus, these people weren't speeding. As for parking citations, there was no parking on the street - period. There was just no place to do it. So that was out.

Thought #2: maybe there was an accident. That would make sense. And there are certainly plenty of those around these here parts. But I didn't see any damage and - cops or no - there is usually someone screaming their heads off in strings of threatening (but not profane) speech since here, profane speech could get you jailtime. But the car just drove off, as the policeman waved another one over. Strange, no? Yes.

Then I saw it. And I started laughing my head off. The policeman was giving "random" breathalyzer tests.

Now, I know DUI is serious business. There has been a movement against drunk driving here in China that has been building momentum of late. Especially due to the fact that the Chinese don't obey traffic laws, fatalities due to drunken driving are more commonplace than you'd think. However, the concept of "drunk driving" is underreported because injuries and fatalities linked to alcohol consumption were often lumped in with all the others. Now that is all changing.

Why was I laughing then, you may ask. Their methodology in cracking down on DUI offenses was a little, well, ridiculous. This breathalyzer checkpoint? It took place in an office district.

On a SATURDAY.

At 11 o'clock in the MORNING.

I really don't know if that's the most efficient use of anti-DUI resources. Just a suggestion. Try again on a Saturday night, at 1 a.m., in the bar district. Then see what happens. If you really want to shake things up, that is.
posted by Rachel @ 2:23 PM  
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In China, the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The Chinese, who call this land "home," and the expats who migrate here. My name is Rachel. I am an expat. These are my stories.
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